


love is a shadow (how you lie and cry after it)

by kameleonten



Category: That '70s Show
Genre: Friends With Benefits, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-22
Updated: 2016-03-22
Packaged: 2018-05-28 08:59:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6323188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kameleonten/pseuds/kameleonten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They're speaking quietly again, and Fez hates how when they start talking about anything serious - anything real, anything that would establish them as something more - they both go silent.</p>
            </blockquote>





	love is a shadow (how you lie and cry after it)

They were all spread out across the basement. Eric, Donna, Jackie and Kelso having some kinda argument about whatever, and Hyde and Fez having a very complicated conversation with their eyes.  
"Jackie! Checking out other chicks does not count as cheating!" Kelso's loud voice broke the conversation.  
"It totally does! And if it doesn't, it's very rude!"  
"Do you ever check out other girls?" Donna asked Eric. Eric clutched her hand,  
"I would never!" He exclaimed dramatically.  
"Man, if you can't check out girls while in a relationship, you're doing it wrong." Hyde said and broke Fez's heart a bit. "And speaking of chicks, Fez. How's it going on that front?"  
"I am doomed to be forever single." He said with a pout.  
"Well c'mon then, i'll help you pick up someone at the Hut." The looks they exchanged might not mean much to the two couples in the basement, but Fez had been taught to know more. He always wished it could be him and Hyde sat next to each other on the couch - thighs pressed tightly together, or Fez leaning against his chest- or that they could share Hyde's chair. He wished they could actually be like any other couple, or just _be_ a couple.  
"Well, what the hell are we doing here when we could be doing that." Fez replied, and out they went.

"Steve.." Fez moaned "Can you just keep- Oh god" He let out another moan as Hyde kept pounding into him. Fez's legs wrapped tightly around Hyde's back, and nails making patterns, that would fade far too soon, on his back.  
"Oh god- I'm gonna.. Hyde.." And they came, one after the other.  
Afterwards they were still together, lying next to one another in the backseat of Hyde's car.  
"I'm not too caught up on American culture." Fez stared at Hyde's face  
"But i'm pretty sure sleeping with your friends isn't a common thing." His voice was bordering on whispering, didn't want to break whatever they had in the silence.  
"Maybe it isn't. " Hyde shrugged. They'd both put their underwear back on, and Hyde had a plaid shirt covering his chest - he was currently in the process of trying to button it whilst still lying down.  
"It's kinda fun though, isn't it?" Fez stared at Hyde's face, his eyes for once not covered by his staple sunglasses. There was a blotch of red that got covered as Hyde managed to button the top of his shirt. Hyde wasn't too fond of hickeys, but Fez almost always managed to sneak a few in.  
"Your beard is starting to grow in." Fez's voice was small, suddenly aware of this bubble he had created in his mind. A place where maybe, this was okay. Where perhaps Hyde was okay with what they did. This tiny bubble, that grew in their silence.  
"Yeah. I think i'm gonna let it grow in a bit. Makes me look older y'know?" He sat up and leaned against the back window. "Won't have to bother with a fake-ID when buying booze." Fez chuckled, and let himself play along with this fantasy of them being ok. Fez wished it could be more, wished he and Hyde could lay next to each other and Fez could pull his hands through Hyde's hair, and stroke his fingers over small purple marks he'd made. He wished they'd could be like Eric and Donna. Constantly fighting over ridiculous things, but still loving each other so much. He just wanted so much that Hyde couldn't give.

 

"Uh, guys? What does consummate mean?" Fez interrupted the arguing couple.  
"It means to have sex." Hyde replied, keeping his eyes to the paper in front of him.  
"Nice. Now i have two words for that" Fez quickly glanced at Hyde and saw him smirk. Donna and Eric quickly shot back to their argument.

 

Later on when Donna had left, Hyde was left explaining the situation to Fez.  
"-And Foreman, as a vindictive ass, wrote his story _to be_ a vindictive ass." Hyde explained.  
"Ough, Eric. " Fez sighed, "I think you just consummated yourself." Fez and Hyde chuckled while Eric stared at them.  
"See what i did there? Looks easy, but it's not."

 

 

 

"Why do you always act the way you do when you're around everyone else?" Hyde asked one night when they were alone in his room in the basement. It was past two in the morning. Hyde had been sat at his bed, but had eventually settled with his head upside down and the rest of his body lying on the bed. Fez was sat on the opposite side of the room - on the floor- , them sitting face-to-face in a unconventional way.  
"Act like what?" Fez asked, but he knew.  
"Act like some dumb foreign kid." It was true, he'd never really burst our of that box they'd put him in when they first had met.  
"People treat me that way. It's easier to just _be_ that way, than trying to explain otherwise. I don't act that way around you though."  
"I guess it's because i don't treat you that way." But it was so much more. Hyde had treated him that way, until he realized that that wasn't who he was. Maybe that's how Fez had fallen in love.  
"I guess so."  
They sat in silence for a while, before considering going for a round or two. Hyde fucked him slow, and afterwards they laid with Hyde's stomach pressed against Fez's back. Hyde must have fallen asleep in an instant, but Fez stayed up for hours just listening to the other boy - nay, man's - silent snores and how he felt pressed up against him. He felt a tugging in his heart, but decided that now wasn't the time for those emotions. He just wanted to revel in feeling of Hyde's toes against his legs, and his arms wrapped securely around his chest.

 

 

And then Hyde goes and fucks it all up by getting a girlfriend. A hot girlfriend, who Hyde constantly makes out with. Fez wishes he could say he wasn't jealous, but that tugging in his heart is back and this time it may not be such a good thing. Fez takes this as a sign that whatever they migh have been - lovers, or just fuckbuddies - is now over.  
But then one night they're left alone in the basement, and they're both sitting on the couch. Hyde clears his throat awkwardly.  
"So... Do you wanna..?" He says silently - incase someone would hear, even though nobody ever does.  
"You have a girlfriend." Fez says and looks at Hyde. He's trying to hide the hurt on his face, and he considers how many people Hyde might have slept with since they started this thing.  
"Yeah, but it's nothing serious. I don't _really_ care about her." _Like you care about me?_ Fez wants to know. Fez doesn't want to ask. Fez doesn't ask, there is hesitation in Hyde's words though, and Fez is not sure what he is supposed to make of it.  
"She's still your _girl_ friend." Hyde bites his bottom lip.  
"Fez.." His voice sound so fragile in the awkward silence that had settled. " Please.. Just.." Fez has never heard him say 'Please' in a way that wasn't obviously sarcastic, and he considers it for a moment. " I just.. I want to.." He's tugging at his hair, and _nervous_ is not a look he ever expected to see on Hyde's face. It doesn't suit him. It doesn't suit him at all.  
"You need to break up with her though," He looks heartbroken, his eyes glazing over Fez. Not with tears, he just stops... looking. Fez stands up and walks until he's standing behind the couch. Hyde settles his head in his hands, and his arms rests on his knees. Fez can't stand it.  
"Steven. C'mon." Fez start walking towards the bedroom. It's easier to pretend when they're in a bedroom, easier to pretend that Hyde might actually care that much more about him.

 

"I'm not sure i can do this much more" Fez whispers to himself, hours afterwards. Hyde is sleeping on his stomach, his arms held tightly around Fez's shoulders, their legs are wrapped together worse than headphones ever could be. There so much bare skin touching, they hadn't ever bothered to put any clothes on. One of Fez's hands is resting in the small of Hyde's back, and the other is making patterns on his shoulder blades.  
"I'm not sure i can break it off either" He can feel his voice breaking slightly. "I can't stay away from you, Steve." He kisses the top of Hyde's hair, moving one of his hands to stroke Hyde's face.  
" I love you so much. It hurts me so much." He can feel Hyde move slightly, and he goes silent for a second.  
"I'm sorry, Steve. " His voice breaks.

 

 

He avoids being alone with Hyde after that. He avoids looking at him, and really he avoids talking with, and about him. He can tell that Hyde notices, because after a week or so he starts to shoot Fez glances that he knows he's supposed to respond to.  
He doesn't.

 

He spends more time at his foster parents, and he tries to make an effort to get to know them. He meets their relatives, and learns that some of his foster-cousins goes to the same school as him. He spend time with them too, until most of his social circle is switched out with new people. He can feel how every day, that pull in his heart gets stronger until he can't feel it at all. Maybe he's over it, or maybe - like an addict - he just haven't had a hit is such a long time he's forgotten what it feels like. But he can still remember Hyde, and he thinks about him whenever he's alone. He can remember the texture of his hair, and his million un-decipherable looks had finally become, well, decipherable to him. The only thing he can't really remember, is firm lips pressed against his own. They had only kissed once, when Hyde was both high and drunk and Fez was neither. Hyde had just smiled at him because of whatever, and then he'd put his hand on Fez's neck and pulled him close. His other arm had landed somewhere else -Maybe on his waist? Did it even matter? - and Fez regrets that he hadn't made sure he would remember it. Because he can't, not really. How had Hyde's lips been? Had they been dry, or all perfectly soft? Fez wishes they were dry, and that the kiss had been horrible. Because it would make things easier.

  
Fez tries to not be alone.

 

He's at school, about to catch up with his new group of friends. They're not anarchist, and they don't hang out in a basement. But Hyde grabs his shoulder - coming seemingly from nowhere -, and his expression is so utterly pissed off it scares Fez. He's dragged towards the back of the school, were normally the smokers go to smoke but it's empty now.  
"What the hell is your problem?" His jaw is clenched, but even if his eyes is covered Fez can see the worry in them.  
"I could ask you the same thing, do you normally just drag away random people?"  
"'Random people'? What the hell Fez, we haven't seen you in like a month! Did we all get into a argument with you without noticing?"  
"Hyde. " Fez can hear how his voice is breaking, and how something shifts in Hyde's demeanor. His eyes goes soft, and his expression goes blank. It would be funny, the way his mouth goes from a snarl and then it just drops open slightly. " I need to.. I need to stay away from you for a bit." There is pain in Hyde's eyes, and Fez can see the insecurities he tries to hide. _They leave me, i am too messed up. Everyone, my parents... They leave me._  
"I can't " His voice cracks, and he swallows. " I can't do this anymore." Hyde's eyes goes blank - his eyes are open, but he's not really looking at anything except the glass in his glasses.  
"Please.. can't you just ignore it?" His voice sounds so pained, and it _doesn't suit him at all._  
"I really can't. Hyde, i don't wanna be hidden away like i have been." His eyes are starting to fill with water and he blinks it away. "I'm not like that."  
"Fez I can't- I'm not ready for that." They're speaking quietly again, and Fez hates how when they start talking about anything serious - anything real, anything that would establish them as something more - they both go silent.  
"Hyde, everything hurts when i'm around you. " Hyde exhales like he's been hit in the gut. "But when i'm _not_ with you, i don't feel _anything_. I don't know what to do. "  
"Me neither" Hyde admits after a minute.  
"I love you." Fez says, breaking the silence that had fallen again.  
"I know. " Hyde replies, which is almost worse than any other response. "You thought i was asleep. I wasn't" He explains. Fez snorts, _obviously_ he wasn't asleep after all.  
"Do you think you'll come back to the basement?" Hyde asks after a minute of silence.  
"I don't know Hyde. I want to come back."  
"So come back. " Hyde's voice sounds so broken. He runs a hand through his hair, and takes of his glasses. " Fez.. Just come back. Please"  
"I don't want to come back until you're ready, Steve."  
"I don't know what you mean to me, Fez. But you mean something." He closes his eyes, "Can't you just be with me until i figure it out?"  
"What if you decide i don't mean enough?  
"I can't promise i won't"

 

 

Within the next week Fez was back in the basement. During the first few days, Hyde wasn't there. He tried to asks the others subtly where he was, but they didn't know.

"I know we're all trying to stay away from the subject, but Fez? Why did you avoid us?"  
Eric asks one of those days where Hyde is actually there. He's fiddling with a book though, making notes in the margins and not really paying attention to the conversation about to be had.  
"I was trying to figure some stuff out." Fez settles with saying.  
"What kinda stuff?" Donna asks. The basement is so silent. Hyde flips a page, and the scratching of lead against paper is heard. Kelso is fiddling with something underneath his nails, and everyone else is looking at him with curiosity.  
"I'm in love with someone." He says, and everyone -except for Hyde - goes still. Hyde stills after a second though, realizing it would be weird not to.  
"Who's the lady then?" Kelso asks, clueless as ever. Fez actually isn't too sure why they're all so silent. Maybe they expected him to suddenly hate them, y'know. A normal reason to avoid ones friends. He'd hate to get them back, and lose them again. He'd settled in fine with them. He'd just gotten used to having them around - with the constant drama of the two couples - and then have them disappear again? It would be hell.  
"There isn't one." He says, with enough hesitation that even Kelso should get it.  
"Do you want to talk about it?" Eric asks.  
"Not really, "  
" _Oh my god_." Jackie exclaims, and makes a jerking motion with her arm, and manages to hit Kelso in his stomach with her elbow "Do i have a gay best friend now?" Fez snorts, and they fall into a conversation about something else.

Hyde keeps shooting him glances and things are just like they used to be, he thinks sadly.

 


End file.
